I just can’t stop thinking about Stella starting school. Of late, I have been enjoying reminiscing about some precious memories she and I have made over the past five years. Like last night…I was walking through the grocery picking out a kiwi and remembered a silly song we sang about kiwi one time (that turned into many times) when we were shopping. Then I was over in the book area and remembered how we used to load up on books for her to look at while we shopped. (She is very easy on things normally and the books were no worse for wear. I have tried this with a certain other beloved child in our brood and have ended up purchasing a book because of what resulted in a poor decapitated pop-up zebra who couldn’t escape her grasp…but I digress!) There are many of these special moments I’m reminded of lately. But I must admit I’ve been plagued with feelings of guilt too. Questions arise in my mind, “Have I taught her enough?…played with her enough?…pretended enough?…disciplined right and enough?…loved enough? Have we memorized enough Scripture? Have we exposed her to enough and sheltered her from enough?…kissed enough boo-boos?…wiped enough tears?” and the list goes on.
To get relief from these thoughts I don’t ultimately comfort myself by looking back at our daily schedules and completed projects and filled workbooks and tattered-paged books and pictures of fun outings, and videos of songs sung, verses memorized and catechisms recited. Those things are comforting to some degree because they are evidences of God’s grace and strength equipping Matt and me to lay a good foundation for the future and serve our family in meaningful ways. But ultimately my comfort from these guilt feelings isn’t in what I’ve done. Because the truth is I haven’t done enough. And even what I’ve done hasn’t been done as well as it could’ve been. I have fallen short even in the best of times. So ultimately I go back to the fact that we have a God who IS enough. He always accomplishes what He sets out to do and He does it perfectly. He is never angry or mean or spiteful. He is never preoccupied or impatient. He is never absent or neglectful. He always has time, is never late or forgetful, and He always follows through on His good intentions. And because He is enough and always does enough, I comfort myself that Stella has the greatest hope for the future. As good as our memories are, I pray that the best is yet to be for her. That she’ll know her perfect heavenly Father soon and have all her needs and wants fulfilled in Him for His glory. I can’t do for her what He can…and I was never intended to. So when I’m tempted to despair at opportunities missed or good days passed, I look to Him for hope…hope for me and hope for her. And that is enough!
A few pictures of Stella-girl going in for her interview with Mrs. Hubbard in June: