A Day of Firsts…and Seconds

Wow! The house was so quiet today. It was nice hearing the little things that a 2-year old does. It’s not that she was doing anything different than normal. It’s just that it was actually noticeable today! I heard little feet walking around in shoes that were way too big for her. I heard the “pat, pat, pat, pat” that gives Rocket more power. I heard words and groups of words that I’ve never noticed coming out of her mouth before – noticed being the key word. Has the poor child been talking this much for awhile and I’m just now realizing all the words she’s putting together?! Lunch was quiet too and there were no art supplies scattered on the table to be cleaned up when I served the food.
But, it was a good day.
Even though it was a day of firsts, for the second time in my motherhood, I also had the joy of once again focusing my attention and energy almost exclusively on the toddler stage and all the good (and bad!) that comes with it. I cracked open “God’s Wisdom for Little Girls”  and tears filled my eyes. I vividly remember the day I started going through that book with Stella just a little over 3 years ago. I remember it so clearly because it was at a crossroads of sorts in my life. We had just been through over 30 weeks of pregnancy between 2 pregnancies which both resulted in miscarriages. I was putting Stella to bed for her afternoon nap. All I wanted to do was go to bed myself and cry. God was working in my heart and testing my affections and I was struggling. I knew I needed to begin working with Stella more intentionally in biblical instruction. But to be honest, it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was confronted with the sinfulness of my heart at that moment when I realized I could very easily neglect the opportunity to train and teach Stella and instead give into the temptation to become embittered over God’s sovereign choices in my life in taking away something good that I desperately wanted. I remember fighting Him. And I remember His grace conquering those rebel powers that were rearing their ugly head. I bent down and picked up the book from her book basket and opened it to the first page. I read to her through tears that day. Tears, because of the battle I was fighting, and tears, because of the verse, in God’s providence, I read – “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) I wept as I read the word ‘rubies’ because we knew if we had another girl we would’ve named her Ruby. I prayed with Stella and asked that God would work those virtues in her heart by His power and walked from her crib. By His grace and power alone, I was taking a small step in submitting to His will.  At that point in time, that difficult obedience to deny my fleshly desires and responses in that hard circumstance, lead to many, many wonderful times of instruction with my Stella girl over these past years. Because, most importantly, those big brown eyes looking up at me needed me to tell her of a Jesus who is good all the time – even when Mommy’s heart is breaking and even if I had to say it in tears. He gave peace in the storm and satisfied my aching heart in a way nothing – not even a precious baby – could have. So today, when I opened that book, I remembered all of this. And I will tomorrow too. Because now some big blue eyes, which happen to belong to our little girl named Ruby, are looking up at me and she needs to hear of that same Jesus too.